Unexpected
by DarkestDemonsInTheSoul
Summary: "Back then, I felt kinda relieved... Almost like, it was ok for me to die..." Eren slowly looked up to see Mikasa's shocked look. He couldn't bear to see the pain in her eyes, so he looked away. "... I don't feel that way now." That was one of the biggest lies he's ever told, but who could ever expect the happy Eren to be suicidal? Only one person can, who feels the same way


It was a happy time for the Survey Corps. Their plan to use Eren's power to capture the female titan had worked, and soon they would proceed to try and recapture Wall Maria. Everyone was confident after seeing Eren's little show, after all.

The only problem is, they had won at such a high cost.

Both soldiers and civilians were severely injured or killed during that battle, and everything inside Wall Sina was almost in ruins. People often wonder if all the lives that have been lost had been worth the small victory.

Especially humanity's savior, Eren Jaeger.

* * *

Warm sunshine filtered into a hospital cabin room and a gentle breeze shook the white curtains. Turquoise eyes stared blankly at the ceiling, not feeling comforted by the beautiful day. What was the point? Many people can't be here to enjoy such a day, so why should anybody else enjoy it? It's not fair.

The door creaked open and the noise caught the boy in the bed's attention. There stood a woman wearing a uniform with the Survey Corps badge on it. Her shoulder length black hair is gently blown by the breeze as she walks closer to him. She looked around for a chair, brought it up by the bedside, and sat down, holding his hand.

"How are you feeling, Eren?" She asks in a cool, calm voice. Eren sits up, only wincing slightly as he straightens his back out.

"Fine, Mikasa..." Eren responds, his voice a little hoarse. Mikasa observed him for a minute to double check if he really was or not. Dull eyes, blood stained patch on his side, forehead bandage only has a little blood at the very top...

"You should probably lie back down."

Eren stayed sitting upright for a moment before sighing and laying back down. He stared at the ceiling again for a minute before starting to talk.

"Hey... When I was about to merge with Annie... I.. I was kinda relieved. Almost like... It was ok for me to die..." Eren hesitantly spoke. Mikasa widened her eyes in horror and shock and her grip on Eren's hand tightened slightly. He glanced up at her to see the pain and disbelief held in her eyes. Eren couldn't stand the sight and looked back at the ceiling. "I don't feel that way now..."

Lies. Lies. Lies. He _does _feel that way, but if that was the reaction he was gonna get, then he'd much rather not tell anybody that. He doesn't want anybody to worry about him anymore. He doesn't want them to be stressed over him. So the only way to take back what he said was to lie about it and act like nothing ever happened.

Right?

Eren was snapped out of his thoughts when Mikasa suddenly leaned down and hugged him tightly. He slowly looked down at her, his eyes wide.

"I'm glad you came back, Eren... I'm glad you are alive." She whispered. Eren slowly hugged her back, feeling even more hollow now than ever.

"Me too..."

* * *

Once Eren was up and about again, he was back to smiles and laughs. Armin, Mikasa, and himself started to hang out like they did when they were children, but never once forgot about their mission that was due to happen in a month or so. Currently, they are at an official celebration party for their "victory" over the female titan.

Levi was leaning against the wall, watching the Survey Corps team have their party with cold, gray eyes. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop looking at Eren. There was something off about him, however he couldn't put his tongue on it.

Tch. How annoying. Now he's taken some unwanted interest in this shitty brat.

He stared long and hard at Eren, willing his brain to try and figure out the problem. What was off? He seemed clean, so that couldn't be the problem. He looked happy, so that can't-

Wait...

Levi got off the wall and started walking towards Eren. Armin noticed him and his smile slowly started to disappear. Eren and Mikasa followed his gaze and also got serious.

"Eren, I need to speak with you. Now." Levi demanded, not leaving an option for 'no.' Eren glanced to Mikasa and Armin, then looked back at Levi and nodded. Levi led him out of the room and into the hallway, then into another room that was at the end of the hallway. Levi waiting for Eren to shut the door before proceeding to speak.

"You really are troublesome. First you go and make a mess of the city and now you've caught my eye against my will. Do you know how annoying that is?" Levi turned towards him, frowning and his eyes narrowed in irritation. Eren swallowed, looking intimidated.

"W-What do you mean, sir?" Eren asked formally. Levi walked up to him and looked him straight in the eye.

"I can tell you are fake smiling and your eyes aren't as stupidly bright as they usually are. What's wrong, then?" Levi asked coldly. Eren visibly flinched and tried to take a step back to avoid Levi's piercing gaze but he was already backed against the door.

"It's nothing for you to worry about, sir!" Eren responded.

"Sorry I didn't make this clear enough, but I wasn't asking."

Eren stayed silent before taking a deep breath, and spilled his feelings out to his captain. "I could not get over my mothers death and the fact that I couldn't save my fellow comrades from the titans! I don't feel like I am allowed to live if they aren't here to live here with me, sir!" Eren said, his nose starting to burn slightly and his eyes gather a few tears. Levi noticed, but didn't say a word. He took a step back and began to walk away from Eren, his back facing him.

"I, too, feel like that..." Levi whispered, remembering the terrified looks of his best soldiers that would never leave their faces, remembering all the times he had to just keep walking whenever a family member approached him, asking about a son or daughter that they believed were still alive, remembering the hopeful looks of the citizens when they'd come back from a scouting trip that would quickly lead to disappointment or anguish... Levi hardened his gaze and turned towards Eren once again.

"But we don't have time to mourn over those we've lost. The best we can do is to not let their deaths be for nothing."

"I apologize sir, but I just can't do that..." Eren said quietly. Levi looked after him as he left, his hands behind his back. Levi tightened his grip around his wrist slightly, glancing downwards.

"I don't think any of us can..." He mumbled before leaving to his headquarters for the night.

* * *

I SWEAR TO GOD I HAD MORE OF THIS TO WRITE! I KNOW I HAD ANOTHER IDEA... But unfortunately, I can not remember what it is -.- So for now, this is it. I PROMISE I WILL UPLOAD THE OTHER PART OF THIS WHEN MY MIND ISN'T ALL BLANK AND STUFF :D

I apologize if it's bad and if the grammar isn't right. Usually my first couple fanfictions for a series are the worst...

Review anyways?

~Jay


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